well that plan went to s***

Welp it’s par for the course that chaos erupts riiiight when I’m about to start to make improvements for my life.

As you can probably tell I’ve been pretty silent since the election. Not publishing but still writing none the less. Mainly because my brain went into survival mode again.

The morning after the election I woke up, heard the news and immediately my PTSD ridden brain time traveled back to hearing Roe v Wade’s overturn. If only it could make it time travel to a time period that I would actually like, like watching Star Trek Voyager for the first time.

My boyfriend spent the day checking on me and repetitively telling me he loved me. I feel he was doing this because he had never seen me hit that level of non-verbal before and may have been a bit scared of what I would do next.

I grew up a blue dot in a very red family, in a red town, red county, and unfortunately pretty insistently red state due to gerrymandering. I’m used to dealing with people in power that don’t have my best interests at heart. But also, I’m a sexual assault victim, who also grew up on stories about how her mother’s reproductive choices were stripped from her as if my father was bragging about it. Most of my friends and myself are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, neurodivergent community, and chronically ill community. I grew up with my family relying heavily on the programs that Trump seeks to demolish with his cabinet equivalent of the worst season of The Apprentice that AI could slam together. My partner works a blue collar job that heavily relies on parts that are imported from places where the tariffs are going to potentially lead to a layoff for who knows how long.

I shut down because I’m not only scared but allowing my brain to manually shift to survival mode. Thoughts of what to stock up on to prepare for the next 4 years, endless to do lists of things I need to take care of, systems that need to be put into place with my chosen family in order to make sure we will make it through together in one piece while being spread out along the coast, began to run so quickly smoke came from my ears. All while trying to remember that I needed to complete discussion posts for class, and be present at my job, and packing to move. Not to mention the inundation of peoples reactions on social media, what to do next, and ever growing reading list, empty acts of unity (I’m looking at you blue bracelets - Like seriously you’re giving Prince Derek vibes and I know you’ll say what else is there if I ask you what else are you doing to actually build community and unity).

As a pagan I did what came naturally to me regarding getting me out of the frozen state. I got drunk, sat on my porch, and reached out to The Morrigan for guidance.

Strangely, I think she actually answered this time.

If you feel that a battle is coming, prepare in the way that only you know how.

Now this may not be a physical battle ahead, but it could be a battle of the minds, a battle of resiliency, or maybe a battle to undo the layers upon layers of damage done over the multiple decades that have led up to this result.

And the only way I know how to prepare for now is to keep educating myself, finding out what my people need and find ways to get it for them. Even if it’s a cup of tea and silence while they also are allowing their minds to shift too. But I also prepare by writing, by talking to people, by making sure they feel heard too.

This blog was originally meant to be about how I’m finally glowing up my life to build it to my highest self, but I don’t think that’s going to go how I originally wanted. Library submissions will probably be including so many more works that will be on a banned book list in a town near you. Some posts may be of resources that I find a long the way to share with you. However the name may change, unsure to what yet.

Either way, thank you. Thank you for bearing with me through this post. Thank you for reading even when you are feeling hopeless too. Remember that the fear and anxiety are only a small part of us, we do not need to let it swallow us whole.

In the meantime, check out my recommended Substacks list, you may find a good writer or two who will help you through. Or leave a comment of someone I should add to my reading list.❤️